He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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