im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize