I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
