I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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