Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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