im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
