At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
