I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
