he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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