i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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