i think i have herpe
just one?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You made out with two different species that night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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