Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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