I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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