why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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