Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
