I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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