Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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