she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
