Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
