Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize