i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
