my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
