what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
