I accidentally burped into my bong.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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