Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
