I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
