Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize