mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
