hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
