I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
