Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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