Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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