mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
