all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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