I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
