I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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