she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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