what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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