So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
