There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
