On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
