Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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