Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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