And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Alive.
So much puke
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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