After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
