he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
