Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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