2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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