I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
