Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
