i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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