Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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