Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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