You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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