I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
