Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The air taste purple.
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