is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
