He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
time to smoke my breakfast
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
