I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
