Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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