even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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