if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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