I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
