Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
