I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
