I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am one with the molecules
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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